labay

St. Valentine aka the Scribe

In Humor, Relationships on February 14, 2009 at 1:13 am

The Onion is always good for a hoot. Check out this spoofed Valentine’s Day letter written by the saint himself, St. Valentine. Very funny. Have a wonderful Friday and a spectacular Valentine’s weekend. LaBay hearts you! 

Is it Valentine’s Day already? My word! How the time does fly. I might have missed the day entirely had I not caught a glimpse of all the young couples walking hand in hand this evening, filling the tables of every fancy French restaurant in town. And what better way to celebrate this fine holiday than sharing a scrumptious, fixed price, three-course menu with your beloved? Lord knows that’s what I’d be doing tonight if my head hadn’t been severed from my body in the third century!

I’m sorry. I hope all this talk about my gruesome martyrdom doesn’t put you off yourmoules du jour.

On this special day for lovers young and old, few things can top a gourmet meal served by candlelight on small, tasteful plates. It’s much more intimate than cards or candy, and it certainly beats meeting a grisly end at the hands of the Church’s enemies. So by all means, enjoy your duck confit and chocolate mousse while you stare into the eyes of the person you love. What a romantic way to celebrate the 1,739th anniversary of the day I was bludgeoned to within an inch of my life and then publicly executed!

Go on, have another bite. Savor it.

I bet some of you are on your very first date. Lucky you! The moon is full, and the night seems ripe for romance. Also, I notice you all still have your heads attached to your shoulders. Bravo. I wouldn’t be surprised if a few of you little devils snuck out before the last course to do some midnight kissing by the lake. Just don’t forget to settle your tab before you go—you wouldn’t want to get caught by a police officer or a servant of Claudius II during a time when minor offenses were settled by violent beheadings!

From The Onion. – MJ

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  1. And happy St. Valentine to you as well. Thanks for the onion letter!

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